A Little Sugar, A Lot of Love: With cupcakes, coffee and karma Read online

  ‘Yes.’ Lily beams and she claps her hands over her mouth. ‘I could only hop, I was such a baby.’ Her voice is high-pitched and excited.

  ‘Eventually you managed to do it, after lots of practice. And now you wonder why you found it so difficult. Lots of things in life are like that.’

  ‘Grandma, can I tell you something?’

  Her little upturned face is full of anguish and I know what’s coming.

  ‘Anything at all, sweetheart.’

  ‘I wish Daddy still lived with Mummy and me.’

  ‘I know, Lily. But you must never forget that Mummy and Daddy love you so much, as I do. Just because you don’t all live together doesn’t change that. You don’t live with me, but I love you and think of you all the time.’

  Lily chews her lip, her little brow furrowed as she considers my words. She nods her head, as if she’s drawn a conclusion.

  ‘I’m glad they don’t argue any more.’

  Out of the mouth of babes … her words are a sharp reminder of some very unhappy times.

  ‘We want them both to be happy, don’t we?’

  She smiles up at me, nodding fiercely.

  ‘So our job is to make sure Mummy and Daddy have lots of hugs.’

  Adam’s footsteps announce his arrival and I turn to see him weighed down with bags, holding yet another box in his hands.

  ‘I did mention I didn’t want you spending your money on lots of presents.’ I glance at him, eyeing the package he offers up to me.

  ‘This is special, Grandma Grace.’ Lily can hardly contain her enthusiasm. She hops up and down on one leg. ‘You have to open it now, please!’

  Adam deposits the bags in the corner, as we take a seat on the sofa. Lily nestles up next to me and I put my arm around her, giving her a quick squeeze.

  ‘You’re the only present I wanted,’ I breathe into her hair, softly. ‘Can you help me open this?’

  Her little hands delicately, and lovingly, undo the bow. As the sides of the box fall away, it reveals the most beautiful birthday cake.

  ‘Do you like it, do you like it?’ she squeals, jumping up and throwing her hands in the air. Adam watches, laughing. Behind him, Elizabeth is once more with us. Even more beautiful in the soft light, she gazes at her son and granddaughter with pride. My heart aches, knowing that she longs to be able to hug them and knowing they are totally unaware of her presence. I long to hug you too, my darling daughter. I quickly wipe away a tear, throwing myself back into the happiness of the moment.

  ‘It’s the best birthday cake I’ve ever seen.’ I have to admit that the cake is amazing, as lovely as the one Adam brought me at Christmas.

  ‘Now you must open your other boxes.’ Lily is already helping Adam to move the three enormous boxes across in front of my chair. I glance momentarily at the seat opposite me. For one brief moment I see Jack sitting there, grinning at me. Another tear forms in the corner of my eye as I toss my head, refusing to dwell on his absence. It’s a blessing to know we are all here together, today, and for that I am grateful.

  ‘My, my! Whatever can be inside? I’ve never seen such enormous boxes before!’

  I join in the fun, my spirits lifted high on the wave of excitement and love with which Adam, and Lily fill the room. As Adam helps Lily peel away the tape, their voices ring out with laughter and merriment.

  I hope Jack is still watching us, sharing this precious moment that is less about a birthday and more about the bond we all share.

  ‘Here, Grandma Grace, here!’ Lily indicates for me to step forward. Easing myself up from the chair I walk the few paces. I gingerly lift the lid with mock anticipation that something might jump out at me. Immediately a balloon pops up, then another and another. As the lid comes off they float to the ceiling, a mass of colour and ribbons.

  ‘And this one.’ Lily’s hands excitedly guide mine to the next box, and the next.

  Soon the entire room is filled with balloons and I laugh more than I’ve laughed for many years. I put my hands to my mouth and peer over at Lily.

  ‘Oh, my goodness!’

  She jumps up and down, shouting, ‘Happy birthday to you.’

  As I glance across at Adam he steps forward to put his arms around me. I have to fight the tears that well up, unbidden. The whole room is like a hug. It’s filled with balloons, love and the two people who are the dearest to me in the whole wide world. You are watching, Jack, aren’t you? My mind hesitates for one moment, then I dismiss the thought. Of course he is: he’s always here.

  ‘How gorgeous, darlings.’ My voice is heavy with emotion, the tears I’m holding back taking it up a notch or two. ‘Lovely, simply lovely.’

  With Lily safely tucked up in bed, Adam and I retire to the snug. He sits in Jack’s old chair, next to me. I reach across and lay my hand over his, giving it a squeeze.

  ‘You shouldn’t have, you know,’ I admonish. But he can hear the love and gratitude in my voice.

  ‘It was merely a bit of fun. We wanted to make you laugh.’

  His grin reminds me of when he was a small boy. I can see him at Lily’s age, just eight years old, and sitting in that same chair. He had one of Jack’s books on his lap. I think it was all about steam trains.

  ‘Well, fun it was. Laughter is better than any pill, it’s a natural tonic. Growing old is a nuisance,’ I add, instantly regretting those silly words.

  ‘I know. I wish you would get out more, take up a few of those invitations you receive. It’s been—’

  I cut him off, there’s no point in taking this conversation any further. ‘I’ll think about it. Oh, and what a stunning cake. Was it from the same baker as that delightful Christmas cake you brought me?’

  Subject changed and Adam politely accepts the topic is closed.

  ‘Yes, a shop named Sweet Occasions. When I told her about your present she said, “leave it to me” and she did a great job.’

  ‘Oh, I see …’

  Adam smiles in response to my knowing comment and our eyes meet for a brief second, until I’m distracted. My daughter, Elizabeth, appears at his side, her hand lightly touching her son’s shoulder. Does she, too, feel that same sense of hope and anticipation that leaps in my heart?

  ‘There’s nothing to see. Katie is a nice lady, friendly and obviously very kind.’

  My eyes sweep over his face. He seems unwilling to say any more and I might be grasping at straws. However, there’s a little sparkle in his eye I’ve never seen before and he’s trying his best to play it down. He wants me to think it’s nothing, but could this be it at long last?

  Elizabeth smiles across at me before turning away and in an instant what appeared to be something quite real fades into nothingness. It might be merely a few moments in time, but it’s comforting, my darling daughter, thank you. I live in the hope that one day Adam will bring me the news I so impatiently await. He deserves to find his soulmate. I know, only too well, the emptiness of being alone. It’s strange how, often, it’s the things that are left unsaid between people that say the most. We each know what we want to say, but hearing the actual spoken words would be too much to bear.

  ‘Well, next time you see her, you can pass on that I think she’s one very talented cake designer. That isn’t merely a cake; it’s a work of art. Her passion shines through.’

  ‘Hint taken, but you’ll have to wait and see what you get for Christmas.’

  ‘I love the shawl you gave me, too, for my birthday, but the cake is my favourite,’ I add, reinforcing the point.

  ‘It’s a pity she isn’t single,’ Adam retorts, seeing through my ruse.

  ‘Well, that is a great shame. But you never know what the future might hold. One of these days, Adam, you’ll be visiting me with a significant other. Mark my words.’

  He lets out a sigh. He’s not angry with me, it’s purely contemplative.

  ‘I’m not sure anyone would put up with me. The week Lily is with me it’s all about her routine and working remotely from home. Then t
he week we’re apart, I’m on the road the whole time. When we’re together she comes first, above all else. It doesn’t exactly make me a good catch, now does it?’

  I can see from his sober expression that the question is genuine.

  ‘No one’s life is easy or perfect, Adam. Love has a way of making things work when the time is right. Sometimes we have to be patient and wait for Fate to direct us. It always does, even if, occasionally, it feels as if we are going around in circles.’

  ‘Or backwards, as in my case.’ His grimace reflects disappointment. I know life hasn’t turned out quite the way he’d hoped. He’s such a handsome guy, so loving and thoughtful. My heart constricts for the pain he’s been through.

  I glance across at the photo of Elizabeth, sitting on the shelf next to the photo of Jack. Elizabeth never told us who Adam’s father was and we respected her wishes. We were there for her, and Adam, as he grew up. I like to think we helped to make up for the absence of a father figure during those formative years. Jack loved Adam like a son, their bond was strong. When Elizabeth died at such a young age, Adam became the centre of our lives and we all grieved together. It was the same when Adam’s relationship fell apart and then, recently, when Jack passed away. We drew close, but I fear that Adam now follows my lead. He finds excuses to enjoy his own company, rather than face the world.

  At my age, it’s understandable that I want to withdraw into a place where life is more about savouring old memories, rather than creating new ones. Adam has to grab life again and begin living it, rather than letting work and his love of Lily define him. It seems to me that he exists simply to get through each day at the moment. Instead, he should be making wonderful new memories. My heart aches to think about Adam looking back on his life with regret and sadness. Is that why Elizabeth was here today? She rarely visits me these days, but whenever Adam is around she always appears. Maybe it’s to reassure me he’s never really alone and she’s keeping an eye on both him and Lily.

  What I hate about growing old is that I’m losing patience with Fate. Adam has had the clouds, now where is his silver lining?

  Katie

  Running From The Truth

  ‘Katie, you can’t be serious! Your business is seasonal and turning away a lucrative contract like this would be sheer madness. The additional profit will allow you to ride the quiet periods. Without that, if the money-making summer and Christmas markets dip at any time, you face turning that bottom-line figure into a net loss.’

  I feel myself physically shrinking away from Steve as his words tear into me.

  ‘But I’m not sure we can deliver. What if we can’t keep up? I’m sick with worry that this is a step too far, too soon …’ The words die on my lips as I scan Steve’s face, which is taught with anger.

  He steps forward and I hate myself for being the one to cause him all this stress. It’s not good for him and guilt flows through me like ice water in my veins.

  ‘Then get a manager who is up to the job.’ He throws the words at me like a snarl. ‘If you turn this down, Katie, Sweet Occasions won’t last twelve months.’ His eyes are cold and angry as he walks away from me.

  Once more I’ve disappointed him, and a feeling of helplessness and rejection overwhelms me. Following him through into the kitchen, I know I have to do something to diffuse the situation. I watch him venting his frustrations as he makes coffee, every movement hard and sharp. I try not to jump as he bangs the coffee mug down.

  ‘You’re right.’ My voice is soft, hoping the tone will help to calm him. ‘I’m sorry. I panicked because I didn’t think we’d get the contract and it was a bit of a shock.’

  ‘Why do you do this to me? I only have your best interests at heart and yet you seem to want to fight me at every step of the way. I love you too much to see all your hard work wasted. This contract will secure the future for the next three years. That’s a big deal, Katie.’

  Steve’s anger has evaporated as quickly as it appeared. He walks across to me, leaning his body into mine. Placing one hand either side of me, he lifts me up to sit on the counter top, so that our eyes are level. I can feel the tenseness in his muscles as his arms wrap around me.

  ‘You still love me, don’t you?’

  My heart skips a beat. I can’t answer that at the moment. I’m not sure I can be honest, either with myself, or with Steve.

  ‘I’m sorry I panicked. I know I should feel grateful to have an experienced eye watching over me, and I do appreciate your help.’

  He relaxes, his hug becoming gentler, and the question remains unanswered.

  ‘That’s my girl. You’re my lucky charm, you know that,’ he whispers. His mouth lingers against my cheek.

  My conscience is screaming, telling me I’ve lied to him by omission. I care about Steve because of what we’ve been through together. I’m not sure I’m in love with him any more, but how can I be sure of that? And how can you tell a man whose hand you held through repeated chemotherapy sessions, that the gap between you grows with every new argument? The truth is that you can’t.

  ‘Katie, it’s Adam – you know … the guy you saved from hypothermia.’

  I recognise the voice instantly. My mouth breaks into a smile as a flashback of Adam in a pink sweatshirt floats into my head.

  ‘It’s only September; I thought your next visit was in December?’

  ‘Yes, well, it’s my daughter Lily’s birthday on Sunday and she’s set her heart on one of those princess birthday cakes. I thought she’d forgotten all about it, but suddenly it’s all she’s talking about and I had no idea it was such a big deal. To be honest, it’s the first birthday party I’ve had to plan since I split with my ex, hence the panic as I’ve left it a bit late. By the way, how are things going?’

  No doubt he can hear the constant barrage of hammering in the background.

  ‘We’re re-designing the layout and making better use of the space. Doubling the size of the kitchen and the storage area is a necessity, or so I’m told.’ My voice sounds distinctly lacklustre, even to my own ears.

  ‘Ah, you won the contract. Congratulations. I appreciate that the answer might be no, in this particular case, but I wanted to ask if you deliver? It’s a bit of a drive north, I’m afraid. I can do it in just over three hours.’

  I start laughing, thinking he must be joking.

  ‘Um … it’s a bit further afield than our normal service usually covers.’

  ‘I know, and I apologise about asking for the impossible. It’s just that Lily’s set her heart on it and I thought I’d ask the question. The problem I have is that she fell at school and broke her arm. She had surgery the day before yesterday and is coming home later today. I need to collect the cake this Saturday and she’s not going to be up to the journey. Her mother is away on an important business trip and doesn’t fly back until next Tuesday. Whatever it costs is fine. A cake is very important to a nine-year-old, and I’m going to have a dozen of them here on Sunday.’

  This is awkward. Even ignoring the cost, I know there’s no way I can tie up the delivery van for such a lengthy journey for one cake. We’re going to have our work cut out with the wedding venue deliveries on Saturday as it is, and we don’t open on Sundays.

  ‘Look, I can’t fit it in on Saturday, but I could get it up to you by eleven o’clock on Sunday morning. Will that do?’ Why did I say that? It’s a six-hour round trip and I must be mad. Then I remember the look on little Lily’s face and it pulls on my heartstrings. I don’t have anything better to do and it will be a day out.

  ‘You are a lifesaver! Lily will assume I’ve had to pick up a cake from the supermarket, so it will be a huge surprise. She’s chosen all of her presents herself, or rather her mother did. I admit it’s an awkward age and hard to surprise them with anything these days. I’m happy to pay in cash. Let me know the total cost and I’ll expect a supplement for a Sunday delivery.’

  He sounds happy, relieved even. Clearly he’s stressed and it feels like the right thing to
do.

  ‘Let me have the delivery address.’

  ‘Katie, I thought you said that the knocking through the wall bit wasn’t going to make much mess? Even sealing the kitchen door with polythene and gaffer tape, I’m not sure dust isn’t finding its way through. How much longer is this going to take?’ Francis folds his arms across his chest, his body language signalling his annoyance.

  ‘I am sorry, Francis. I’ll have a word with them. Do what you can and if you prefer to stop for the day, that’s fine by me. I’m sure our customers will understand. We’re only talking about passing trade, as all of the orders are up to date.’

  He turns on his heels, calling over his shoulder, ‘I’ll soldier on, but it ain’t easy.’

  I approach Mike Pearce, who is surrounded by three guys. They’re all focusing on a small cluster of thick, steel rods running up through a half-demolished wall.

  ‘Problems?’ They turn, staring at me as if a mythical creature has suddenly appeared on the scene.

  ‘Well,’ Mike takes off his hard hat in a welcoming gesture, ‘we didn’t expect to find reinforcing bars. Pete Morris, our building surveyor, thinks it’s a support issue.’

  ‘Yes,’ Pete confirms, giving me a serious frown. ‘The floor above isn’t level; I suspect there was an issue with subsidence, causing a part of this wall to drop. They caught it before it became a major problem, but I don’t think the work was done by a professional.’

  Alarm bells start ringing in my head, adding to the pain of yet another headache.

  ‘Will this involve extra cost?’

  ‘It’s safe enough, but not a standard fix. The floor above has a metal structure to strengthen it, but if we take out these bars we would need to put in some extra support.’ Mike looks apologetic. At least they understand the impact of a delay at this point in time.